dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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