planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My vagina is very pro this idea
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
