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Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I could fuck to npr.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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