Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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