Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
