so that wasnt chicken after all
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
