Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
