I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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