Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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