At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
