I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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