i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
