ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
