Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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