They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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