Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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