he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
