i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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