i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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