youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
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