how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
