does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You took a bar mat shot.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
