so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
this hospital has no fireball
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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