If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
