We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
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He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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