What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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