Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
