I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
