it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
