So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Girls should come with a carfax report
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
