So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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