I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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