I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I touched a dick in church today
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