I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
