youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I need to stop coming to work sober
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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