Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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