My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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