if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
