your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
