Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
