So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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