they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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