Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
