Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
