Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
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Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
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You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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