What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
is it fun? or sober?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
