I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
