life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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