so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
