Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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