So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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