Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
