I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
