I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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