Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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