never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
