New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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