I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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