Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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