connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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