so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
