So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
