No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
