Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
