Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
