Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
