Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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