yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
