Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
