I will die if light touches me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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