He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
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