How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
