Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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