He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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