in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
