he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
