small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
