someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
